What began 54 years ago as a honeymoon retreat in Wautoma, Wisconsin, for my mother- and father-in-law has grown into an annual week-long gathering of more than 30 people, two wiener dogs and a Yorkipoo living under two roofs. That’s eight couples, 18 grandkids, and one newborn great-grandson–like Grandma’s plaque reads–“All Because Two People Fell in Love.”
This year was our best family reunion yet, and I want to analyze why it was our best. Leadership expert Andy Stanley says, “If you don’t know why it’s working when it’s working, you won’t know how to fix it when it breaks.” So I’ve compiled a list of things we did right–sometimes after decades of getting it wrong.
We were grateful. Among countless other lessons, 2020 has taught us to not take meeting together for granted. We were grateful that families drove for twenty hours across the country or ventured out with a week-old baby or flew in masked and slathered in hand sanitizer to make this happen. We were thankful that couples loaded up their cars with Costco hauls to feed and clean up after our tribe. Most of all, we were thankful that God preserved the health of our parents that they could live to see another family reunion. We don’t take any of these things for granted anymore.
We were gracious. The best families are made up of the best forgivers, and sharing close quarters gave us many opportunities to forgive or simply overlook irritations. It helped that we kicked off the week with a worship service including a celebration of Holy Communion. Confessing our sins, sharing in the joys of forgiveness, and singing with every bit as much enthusiasm as when we’re at a karaoke bar while we sat on the screened-in porch overlooking Silver Lake was one of my top memories of the week.
Good sense makes a person slow to anger, and it is to his credit when he overlooks an offense.
Proverbs 19:11 EHV
We soaked in the beauty of creation. We could not have had better weather: Sunshine and gentle breezes, low humidity, and one Midwest rainstorm to quench my desert-dwelling heart. During quarantine, I think we’d all had our fill of being indoors, Netflix, and the constantly running news feed that does nothing to feed our souls. Instead, we greeted the lake each morning with arms open wide, filling our lungs with fresh air imbued with the scents of algae, of boat engine fuel, of bass who have passed on from this life, of sunscreen and the ashes of last night’s campfire. When it was time to call the kids into shore and their bodies would sway from the waves’ imprint on their muscle memory, we knew it had been a good day.
We paid attention to love languages. For example, my dear brother-in-law shows love by sharing whatever he happens to be eating or drinking. Jovially he will shove a fork or glass in my face and declare, “You must try!” While I am normally quite careful about what I eat, I chose to take a bite or swig or at least an appreciative smell because doing so would fill his emotional bucket. (And this is after last year when he unknowingly fed me rotten pickled sucker fish. A good family is good at forgiving. See above.) We saw love in action in the uncles who drove countless circles on the lake as they pulled skiers and tubers, the aunts who washed a counter full of dishes sticky with BBQ sauce after meals, older cousins who drove the little ones to the overpriced candy story for $3 mystery bags, and in grandparents who stayed up way past their bedtime so that they wouldn’t miss out on conversations with their teenage grandkids playing Settlers of Catan and Jackbox games. We loved well.
We didn’t try to fix people. I can’t tell you how much more relaxing it is to just listen, empathize, and affirm someone’s story without feeling the need to direct the course of their lives. It is positively liberating. In fact, this revolutionary idea of not fixing people was so effective on vacation that I am going to make it a habit the other 51 weeks of the year. Imagine that! Quite possibly, this is one of the best souvenirs I could’ve brought home.
While our family might be unique for keeping a 54-year tradition going, we are prone to the pitfalls that are common in all families: selfishness, grudge holding, score keeping, and pride. But we’ve also gotten really good at forgiveness, grace, and gratitude. God willing, we’ll keep learning and growing and continue to make beautiful memories on Silver Lake.
If you’re gearing up for vacation, you might enjoy some of my favorite lines from “A Liturgy for Leaving on Holiday”:
In our days away let us play together. Let us laugh together.
Let us be moved to speak such meaningful words as ought to be spoken among family and friends.
Let us linger long at tables and drink deeply of one another’s company, enjoying each for who they are with the steady pressures of our ordinary days now lifted.
So help us also, in this time of our vacation, to carve out spaces merely to be,
to be with You,
to be together,
to be refreshed.
Ah, how we long for that fierce freedom for which we were created!
Let us taste of it here in our travels.
Every Moment Holy by Douglas McKelvey